Every two years, the American Legislative Team For All Cinderella Thought,
a congress-appointed committee, approves funds for various scientific endeavors.
Last year, they provisioned 38% of their funds to a survey of media outlets, fake news,
and, more specifically, Cinderella. With no real expectation that
there would be a connection, they were surprised with the outcome.
Data scientists applied several artificial intelligence programs like neural
networks to find articles published by known news organizations that were
related to Cinderella. Once they had compiled a database of
articles—over 9,000 of them—, they were able to perform more scientific
processes to get to the underlying data.
"Even before we could apply a Naive Bayes algorithm to the data, we were starting
to see little hints that Cinderella plays a large role in the nature of
fake news," says Bernard Bigsby, head of the project.
The findings of the study has been published in a paper titled "A Look To
Reports Involving Great Heaps of Thick-headedness" in the journal The Really
Unscientific Mega Publication.
The scientists learned that Cinderella has an inverted radicand correlation
with fake news (R2 = 412). That is, treating each fake article as an
eigenarticle, the resulting tensor removes all levels of uncertainty in the antipodal
point of the corresponding Cinderella axis.
This finding was surprising to the researchers, because as Bigsby puts it, "It's fake
news to begin with. Cinderella should not be rectilinear,
especially in this context!"
Brigsby's team hopes to next tackle alternative facts, but it all depends on the
Cinderella Thought Team's funding decisions.